You might think thee day of love, flowers, and chocolates would encourage more warmth, affection and, well, love–umm…maybe not.
There’s also the day before, and after, Cupid’s merry making. It seems Valentine’s Eve is a very busy day for those juggling a wife and a romantic bit on the side. Since you haven’t yet mastered the art of bilocation and don’t want to spark too many questions that would demand just as many vague answers (aka lies); you make plans with your intimate “friend” the day before V-Day. The unsuspecting wife gets her man on the day of; the passion partner, the day prior. Problem solved, at least for now. You’re hoping the doting wife doesn’t get her hands on the credit card bill before you do. Buying two sets of Valentine treats tends to raise red flags, and no doubt anxiety in that big, red overly generous heart of yours. Problem just starting.
What happens the day after? Are you both basking in the afterglow of intimacy from the night before? Is there a newly ignited appreciation for your mate? Have you professed the I’m-never-gonna-leave-you-ever recommitment after an evening of champagne and sweet nothings? Well, if the gifts and words don’t live up to a wife’s expectations, chances are she may search for all of the above elsewhere. Love is lost in translation and she doesn’t want to interpret another word. Stranger in the night, here she comes. Flowers droop, chocolates mock, apologies fail.
Neither example is anyone’s best case scenario. Husband and wife are both culpable. Gender roles can be switched in each instance; still not good. No one gets a free pass. So, you’ve taken up juggling? That takes a lot of time and energy–and dishonesty, and stress, and…Expectations? Unless your mate is a bona fide mind reader, it’s best to err on the side of open communication. Speak, listen, learn, repeat.
Some private investigators actually refer to Valentine’s Eve as “Mistress Day”. According to Ashley Madison, there is a huge spike in business following the supposed day of love. Yes, Valentine’s Day is the one occasion where we await the amorous magic wand to hit its mark. Why not, right? It’s the one day out of the year where you can really prove yourself. Just one day, is that so much to ask?! That’s part of the problem, if you haven’t practiced what needs to be done to sustain a healthy relationship during the rest of the year, you can’t realistically hope for rainbows and butterflies.
I understand that it’s not easy to maintain a positive attitude in relationships when you feel alone, underappreciated, taken for granted or dismissed. You more than likely want to use Cupid’s arrow as a projectile, or aim it toward another’s heart. This is the perfect time to exercise love in a different manner. Love your relationship enough to want to make changes: deeply discuss feelings, be open to another’s view, put ego aside, be proactive not reactive, seek professional help. Both of you, do whatever needs to be done to keep you in Cupid’s good graces. But, if you’ve exhausted all options and can’t get to where you feel you need to be, then leave, respectfully. Peace of mind, strength, and courage will direct you to a new, mature love. Best gift ever.