Brett–One Man’s Story of Infidelity, Discovery, and Recovery–Entry 7

 “I have learned a whole lot about myself: why I am the way I am, why I react the way I do, why I chose infidelity.” 

Aha moments. They may be few and far between, but when they happen, the result is awareness. Sometimes they’re loud and clear, at other times so subtle they’re barely recognizable yet have a strong impact nonetheless. Brett talks about his moments and what they mean.

Did you experience an aha moment?

I don’t think I knew it right then, but my aha moment was that day in the park when I spoke to the man I called for help. Since then, I have learned a whole lot about myself: why I am the way I am, why I react the way I do, why I chose infidelity, etc. 

I am proud to say, after my conversation with that man, I have not once looked at porn or have been remotely close to seeking a connection outside of my marriage.

I tried for many years to free myself from my addictive behavior but could not. When I released control and surrendered, I was immediately freed from my issue. I’m not an overly religious man, but my recovery was possible through meeting a person of faith, and I’m grateful. I am well aware it does not happen that way for most people, but for me, I feel blessed that it did. 

During this time, I worked through a video series. The speaker in the series was an admitted alcoholic and porn addict. He said he was freed from being an alcoholic, but it took him two years to conquer his porn addiction. I found out porn changes brain chemistry.*

My second aha moment was discovering my addictive behavior. I was raised around alcoholics and saw the destruction it caused. At a young age, I resolved never to drink. What I didn’t know is that I am genetically predisposed to addictive behavior. So, while I never touched alcohol, my addictive behavior manifested in this other way–porn. Of course, I did not know that at the time. Knowing this allows me to put safeguards in place against other addictive traits that may manifest in the future. 

Why do you think porn is difficult to overcome?

Nobody wants to admit fault, much less publicly, so here we have this super addictive behavior that affects the body similar to cocaine and nobody talks about it, which leads to more loneliness that feeds the addiction further. How many people gather together and watch porn? Few, I would guess. Most people do it in secret, and that’s where it stays. Much of the power comes from secrecy. There is much less power when it’s revealed, in the light so to speak.

*Repeated consumption of porn causes the brain to literally rewire itself. It triggers the brain to pump out chemicals and form new nerve pathways, leading to profound and lasting changes in the brain. (Per fightthenewdrug.org.)

**Porn is a thriving industry. Some believe any form is immoral, some use it for couples’ stimulation, and others indulge alone in secret with various behaviors attached. These are only a few examples, but if any type of behavior becomes unhealthy, it’s time for self-check and reevaluation. Brett changed–anything is possible.