“I would say I feel sorrow, even now, on an almost daily basis, although there are no more secrets.”
What is your greatest struggle?
As far as my greatest current struggle, it is with my family, mainly my father, but a bit with my mother, too. My mother uses guilt as a way to get what she wants. It is not all with bad intentions. Sometimes it’s just about wanting me to visit, etc. But still, it’s guilt. My father is a harsh man with strong opinions. What I didn’t realize is how both of these things affected me. See, their love and approval are very much performance-based. The best way to describe it is: What have you done for me lately?
No matter what I do, it’s never enough.
What I see now is that it carried over into my marriage. I unconsciously felt the love from my wife would be the same way. It’s not, and never has been. Also, while I never really got along with my in-laws (I always felt they were substandard to me), they, and their family, loved me unconditionally. So, all that backstory is to say my biggest struggle is my relationship with my father. For now, I have just pulled back. I do not want to set myself up for constant judgment. Instead, I’m creating some distance while I continue to heal.
What is your greatest regret?
My greatest regret is, without a doubt, the hurt I caused my wife. Seeing what I have done and the pain my actions caused is something I still regret deeply. I would say I feel sorrow, even now, on an almost daily basis, although there are no more secrets.
My wife never did anything remotely to cause, or deserve, the pain. My other regret is that I did not try to talk to someone. That may have helped, but much like an alcoholic, I had to hit the bottom of this addiction.
**Struggles and regrets, we each carry them to some degree. Brett’s continue to haunt him. Yet, he remains optimistic and continues to move forward.
Can you relate? What are some of your struggles? Regrets? Are you working through them or ignoring them? How’s that working for you?
My regret about my marriage ending with infidelity (ex-husband cheated) is my lack of understanding of how a partnership truly works. I had preconceived notions that didn’t serve me well. I thought I had all the answers, obviously, I didn’t, nor did he. But, thankfully, through deep diving into relationship matters, I have healthier answers now.