I’ve been wondering why infidelity elicits such fearful emotions. It would appear obvious, but it goes deeper than the fact you could lose your mate, children, home, finances, etc. Of course, those are reasons enough to keep anyone awake at night and all the more reason not to engage. But, I think the greatest fear is the loss of self. There are those who look for signs of infidelity around every corner with the intent of trying to keep at bay, which only serves to create more issues and tension within the relationship – and in turn, may in fact, push the mate in the direction of infidelity, although, he/she had never considered in the first place! (Choice is a big factor here. Infidelity is a choice, no matter what.) Big problem.
When self-esteem is at a healthy place there isn’t the need to be suspicious or on guard. There isn’t the need for fear that fosters so many negative side effects. We all try to find our place within relationships. Sometimes we’re successful, other times not. We usually do our best, when we’re at our best. When we are secure with our own unique self. When we’re not dependent on our mate to define who we are or “should” be. When we’ve allowed personal growth to shape and guide us. This doesn’t guarantee infidelity won’t enter the home, but the advantage of knowing yourself will undoubtedly help with any challenges ahead.
Expend energy on the path to becoming self-sufficient, not self-defeating. And, then, fear not.