Positivity and Infidelity

What the heck does positivity have to do with infidelity?! It seems contrary, repellent, confusing, and a few other choice adjectives. How can something so negatively perceived be associated with anything remotely positive? Not exactly an ideal way to greet 2018. Makes no kind of sense. Well … let’s see.

As we start a new year, the intent, usually, is to apply a list of positive resolutions. Resolutions that will enhance overall well-being. Positivity upfront and personal. Some have a laundry list ready to be tackled; others, a single item for contemplation. It may prove useful to start small and build up rather than chunk off something unrealistic that invites frustration and self-defeating behavior. All that stressful urgency can bring on short-lived intentions; you’re done, finished, had enough thank-you-very-much and have scampered off to embrace the comfort of old, negative patterns. I have been that person. On the other hand, yearly list-making and big-ticket tasks may not be your thing. Your life, your call. The good news is: anything can be changed and accomplished once you set your mind to do so. I can’t say enough about mindsets.

Resolutions usually serve to improve physical health, mental outlook, and/or the almighty pocketbook. During the first few months of a new year, gyms are crazy-full with people on a mission to shed extra holiday poundage. Others have downloaded a motto that inspires and stimulates new thought and some have chosen to up their money game to reach financial goals. All good.

I used to write a list filled with lofty expectations but realized I was putting way too much pressure on myself which resulted in less than zero fun and a lack of productivity trailing right behind. My every year mantra, for several running, is, positive forward motion … just keep moving forward. That doesn’t mean I have the luxury of steamrolling or ignoring upsets along the way. If anything, as much as it may pain me, mucho in some instances: I know I have to acknowledge messiness and challenges, assess each situation, find the wherewithal to work through it, and hopefully take away a lesson or two. Sometimes the lesson isn’t immediately revealed (so annoying, that), but patience does serve. In the meantime—I just keep moving forward.

Now, what does positivity have to do with infidelity? Infidelity is one of the most negative impactful circumstances anyone can experience. It’s upending with unending amounts of thoughts, feelings, and information to process. Yet, believe it or not, the aforementioned resolutions toward positive well-being can also be applied to handling infidelity: start small, build up; anything can be changed and accomplished; mindsets; acknowledge; assess; lessons learned; patience; keep moving forward. These are markers to positively invest in yourself during or after; grieving, venting, and seeking professional guidance. Staying stuck or wallowing in hurt, rage, and bitterness, does not serve. It just doesn’t, except to keep you locked in a perpetual state of unhappiness. No bueno.

I understand hearing the word “positivity” when in the throes of dealing with betrayal will bring a certain amount of disbelief, tears, and a possible torrent of spicy four-letter words. But, remember, one huge decision has already been made—you’re now in charge of another. Don’t be forced by life. Be the force in your life.

So, another year of fear, suffering, and self-sabotage? Or the most perfect year to implement actionable positive habits to feel alive and thrive again? I say: Choose, you. Every bit of you.

Cheers to 2018!


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