Here’s a question that many women have asked, or at least thought about: Do men really need sex, as in—gotta have it? What happens when “headaches” become an issue? Fairytales aside, we can’t always be on the same page. I asked Cathy for clarification about this provocative subject.
EML: Is sex truly a physiological need for men?
Cathy: No, men do not need sex. In other words, they will not die if they don’t have it. It is not like water or food. However, men do connect through being physical and often it is one of the number one ways that they feel loved. Men have the hormone testosterone which causes them to feel sexual. The younger the man, usually, the higher testosterone levels. As men age, their testosterone can decline and they may have less desire than when they are younger, but will still desire sex. Often couples have different desires for sex. Men typically want it more often than women in a relationship. Couples need to talk openly about sex with each other outside of the bedroom and try to compromise on how much and how often they are open to having sex. The research says that even when women don’t want sex, they will enjoy sex once they engage in the process and relax. Sex is such a healthy wonderful way for couples to connect and there needs to be effective communication between them when there are sexual differences.
Between female hormones and male testosterone, we have our work cut out for us. Sometimes the twain do not meet. In our youth, it seems everything is high functioning for men and women, but as we age, a shift happens. How we deal with that shift is crucial to the health of our relationship. I had heard prior that men associate love with sex. It was eye-opening. I had never thought of it in those terms before, but, it’s a very real thing. It’s imperative partners address their sexual preferences, otherwise, infidelity could become a byproduct. It’s practically a given. Who needs one more stress added to the mix? I’m guessing, no one.
Keep communication, understanding, and desire in your bed. And, a good tube of lube couldn’t hurt either.
*(Cathy Chambliss: 310-303-9132. Tell her I sent you.)