*named to Online Universities’ 101 Best Blogs for Readers (see below for link)
Title: THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat
Author: Elda M. Lopez
Publisher(s): Amazon, first publisher (e-book), EML & Co. (print) Genre: Nonfiction, Self-Help, Relationships ASIN: B00ATSB73C ISBN: 978-0-578-12159-8 Available @ Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/THE-IN-FIDELITY-FACTOR-ebook/dp/B00ATSB73C
Reviewed by Neal Fugate originally for Amazon
Reviewer’s rating: 5 stars
“Ms. Lopez has written an entertaining, well researched addition to the body of self help and relationship mending literature. Her writing style is conversational and witty and she deals with a potentially grim subject in a fairly lighthearted and humorous manner while citing the high costs of infidelity on a personal and societal level. Anyone who has been tempted to cheat, has already given into the temptation or has been on the other side of the equation should read The (IN)Fidelity Factor for help with this potentially devastating situation. You may not agree with every point Lopez makes but her passionate treatment of the subject is well worth the read.”
More Amazon 5 star reviews:
“This book was incredibly insightful and very well written. I was enlightened to the real runaway train wreck this subject presents and inspired by the way the author addressed and articulated options and solutions. A really good read and important educational experience.” ~ David C.
“Terrific book full of insight and lighthearted writing. The author offers vast knowledge and accurate perspectives on relationships. Highly recommend!” ~ J.
“This book is useful for all aspects of life and not just intimate relationships. Ms. Lopez ads a humorous look at this serious subject. The animal comparisons are humorous as well. The points to ponder are just that. This is a clever book that I do recommend to anyone and everyone.” ~ Laura M.
“The (In)fidelity Factor expresses a very humorous, sarcastic, realistic view of the ins and outs of fidelity. The author offers witty relationship advice, while keeping it real and solid. The author also shares her own experience and feelings regarding this very common topic. While everybody’s experience with infidelity varies with different reactions and emotions, it is quite interesting to read about her own personal period with infidelity. This book will make you think and make you laugh!” ~ Natasha
“The (In)Fidelity Factor: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat is a great, bold step in the right direction of expression on a subject matter that is most likely at this juncture in our society politically incorrect, in a world where it is just easier to put self first and go with what we feel, to our own justifications. The book challenges folks to go into relationships with the hard task of being faithful and staying faithful and committed to the married or non-marital relationship. The message does not suggest that people cannot break up, or that relationships never end in divorce, but challenges the reader towards respect and honesty towards the other person, as well as an honest search and reflection towards oneself and one’s inner attitudes and motivations. The (In)Fidelity Factor: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat is a book that one can read even after the infidelity has taken place. It is a thorough review of every angle of cheating behavior, with stories and discussion of the motivations, ramifications and results of infidelity. There is not a whole lot written on the subject, but Ms. Lopez takes on this gutsy topic and challenges us to move away from the norm of our relationship society today and be different, and as a result, better human beings. Be part of the change-up! is her challenge! More should be written on the subject.” ~ Janet Cook
“Elda Lopez presents a concise and yet thorough portrait of the world of cheating and its ramifications, bolstered by statistics, interviews, sources for help, humor, and her own experiences. It’s a quick, cautionary, informative and entertaining read. So, before you put your relationship in jeopardy, be smart and pick up this book and learn why fidelity is the far better option.” ~ Mark Miller
“Elda Lopez writes on a very important subject for our times. Our culture and media seems to have “normalized” cheating which is dishonest and wrong. Elda helps the reader to understand why partners may cheat on each other and question to ask themselves before they do. It is an excellent book that can be read quickly to help all people in relationships to take a minute and really question if cheating is the answer to their problems.” ~ Cathy Chambliss, LMFT
“After reading The (In)fidelity Factor, I am enlightened with a better understanding of this everyday topic dealing with harsh circumstances in a relationship, which is often discussed on the down low. Elda’s insights are very inspiring as she takes a tough topic and presents it unique light that is easy to relate to and written passionately from the heart. I highly recommend this work of art to those who are looking to find answers and realistic options when dealing with infidelity and relationships, as well as those who would like to be further educated on the topics. Great read!” ~ Jamie Hernandez
“The (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR gives you a better understanding of this unfortunate everyday topic of some relationship issues that are too embarrassing to talk about. The author writes about this in an entertaining way. This “New Normal” is wrong. Her personal insight and Points to Ponder, are very useful. I highly recommend this book for anyone dealing with these issues!” ~ Ursula Niklas
“I really liked this book. It was very interesting; a lot of the things in there were common sense but stated in such a way that it really made you think and reflect about the choices you’ve made in your life. And also think about the possible consequences to choices you may make in your future in regards to cheating, divorce, etc. It was a fast read and held my interest. Enjoyed it!” ~ HipKitty1
“A must read for anyone who is contemplating or has experienced infidelity. Don’t be surprised if find yourself in this book, Elda definitely lets you know you’re not alone. A fast, humorous, easy read, you won’t be disappointed.” ~ Monica Orozco
“I was very curious about this little book (110 pages) and that curiosity was richly rewarded. Elda Lopez starts by pointing out some obvious and maybe some obscure observations. She moves on to the answers of questions queried by her to both males and females, then on to some amazing statistics. The next section is on actual accounts of infidelity by a male and a female, then on to Elda’s own admissions. She summarizes, by suggesting ways for us to improve as individuals which in turn will improve our relationships and our lives. There is simply a lot of good stuff in here for everyone, delivered in a clear voice with little bits of humor thrown in for good measure.” ~ Richard Lang
“Ms. Lopez has written a very insightful and useful guide that is for anyone who has ever cheated, is thinking about cheating, or believes their partner is cheating. I learned some interesting tips about how to approach relationships, how to open the lines of communication, and develop more meaningful and lasting relationships. I appreciate her sense of humor, because I believe we need to laugh even in the most trying of times. I am not a subscriber to the happily-ever-after theory of till-death-do-us-part relationships. Yes, they do exist, but in today’s society they are increasingly rare. Ms. Lopez’s book offers insights that could help change that trend. Overall, a fantastic resource for anyone in or out of a relationship, but who might be considering it in the future. I will definitely be gifting this book to a few of my friends.” ~ Linda Thompson, host of TheAuthorsShow.com
“Great book that puts together the author’s own experience with the facts and figures of the reality of what happens when you cheat. Lopez tackles difficult things like owning up to her own stories on both side of the fence as well as sharing other relatable stories from those who’ve been affected by infidelity. Whether you’re thinking about cheating or not, it’s a great book to read to plant some seeds in your brain that will prepare you for a time where your relationship with your partner is waning. With this book and some conversations with your partner, you could well be on the road to saving your relationship.” ~ Andrew Valentine
“I was apprehensive about the title of this book, but was pleasantly pleased with its content. I didn’t want a lecture or “finger wagging” in my face. Instead, I got a “broad brush” thought process and “drill down” for individual evaluation of ones tendencies.
The book covers most aspects of a tricky thought process that we all share….you as a singular, me as a singular…..you and me as an “us”…all fine lines and spaces in between. The data in this book reveals how complex we and our relationships are. As revealed, relationships are a balance that include not only physical but emotional ramifications.
There is no manual that solves relationship inadequacies; however, this book is an excellent guide and reference to “ponder before you cheat.” ~ Bette Kennedy
“THE (IN) FIDELITY FACTOR : Points to Ponder Before You Cheat is an excellent book! Elda M. Lopez gives a powerful voice to the negative impact of infidelity. We live in a time where infidelity is glamorized and often looked at as normal acceptable behavior; however, Elda M. Lopez challenges us to look at the importance of fidelity.
Elda M. Lopez has lived through being the other women as well as being the betrayed wife. THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat is a book full of wisdom and educates us on the truth of infidelity that is very different from what is portrayed in the media. This book digs into the heart of the matter and provides the stories of others that experienced infidelity as well as facts on the consequences of infidelity. Elda M. Lopez says, “Cheating is Defeating” and this book confirms that truth. THE (IN) FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat is a must read.” ~ Christina R. Ferguson
Man/Woman on the Street 5 star reviews:
“This book is worthy of support and attention. It’s good for anyone who is involved, in between or anywhere along the relationship highway. Elda tells tales of (in)fidelity with clear examples and various scenarios that play out in relationships. She offers good advice, such as a coach would. The statistics presented show how widespread this circumstance is. She also brought in the current days wrinkle of online access to people and services that are large temptations to something that didn’t need help growing. She was brave to include her personal experiences for “Credibility…as They say..” and she was also wise to hold it back until near the end of the book. By doing this, the reader gets a chance to absorb and feel their own growth and work while not getting the sense that she is trying to influence their thoughts.” ~ Jay Cruz, host Healthylife.net
“Thank you! Thank you! Ms. Lopez deserves kudos for tackling the subject of cheating in a very honest way. We’ve all been tempted and we’re all pleasure seekers, but this book will give you a better understanding of how to deal with those urges. If you’re taking your pants off right now to hop into bed with somebody who’s not your spouse, STOP and read this book immediately!!” ~ Carlos P.
“Infidelity is not funny. Yet this book is. Elda Lopez brings an original pen to a familiar topic, and bravely shares her personal story along with other anecdotal evidence about affairs, consequences, sex, temptation, and monogamy (and did I mention sex?). Her voice is wickedly funny and completely honest — you may find yourself agreeing wholeheartedly or saying “whoa, hold on!”. Either way you will emerge from this book with new perspectives, empathy for those who have made the choice to cheat, and admiration for others who stay faithful.” ~ Elizabeth L.
“Elda’s book is personal, honest, brave and passionate. Reading about her own experience was emotional and enlightening. Anyone can gain knowledge from this book, whether you’re single, married or divorced, all can learn something. Great read!” ~ K. Gieb
“THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat by Elda M. Lopez is a beautiful book. It’s been a while since I read such an insightful book full of real life examples. The book, as the writer pointed out, is for people that are in a serious relationship, or thinking of getting into a serious relationship.
The author, in my opinion, managed in just 126 pages to describe and define the factors that make people cross the line of fidelity. It presents all the information that someone should know before getting into a serious relationship.
The book starts by defining the basics of what fidelity is, and catalogues three types of romantic relationships based only on mere observation. I identified my current relationship in one of the three. It helped me get into the frame of mind of where I am heading.
It gives a plethora of examples from those in the animal kingdom that establish monogamous relationships. Did not know that wolves were monogamous. Also, she mentions other instances, both animal and human tribes, that practice polygamy or free sex. They are mostly matriarchal in nature.
The Second Chapter I found amazing because it tackles the marriage issue and also that the two magic words, I DO, that are said in a wedding ceremony. They are not just words. The author manages to present the importance of them and the gravity of the whole situation. I liked the presentation of the possible thoughts that people have when they are getting married, and when they are not ready to commit. It emphasizes the reality that, marriage is serious business. If you are not 100% sure then the best thing to do is, not to commit.
Also, if you are going to get married, do it for you. Don’t do it to satisfy the needs and wants of other people.
Chapter three presents three practical scenarios that all start well, then shows how it could go terribly wrong. It covers a lot of possibilities. It’s an educational chapter that I enjoyed. The main thing I got out of this chapter is that: communication is king in a relationship.
The fourth chapter are answers from both men and women regarding four fundamental questions about fidelity. It is interesting to see the replies of these males and females. Their replies are a microcosm of the society we live in. You see how they perceive and interpret fidelity and cheating. I am sure that a lot of you, like me, will agree and disagree with the answers.
Chapter five includes some true stories of how people dealt with fidelity; how they succeed and how they failed. You can derive some useful conclusions from these stories. I found them intriguing and educating.
Chapter six presents and analyzes emotional cheating. Just because you are not physically having sex with another person doesn’t mean you are not cheating on your partner. Also, various examples illustrate of how cheating can lead to more trouble than you had in the first place.
Chapter seven is a statistic heaven about divorce in the USA. If you are into statistics, then this chapter is for you. Also, this section presents data and info about laws governing divorce and cheating in different states of the country. This chapter analyzes and presents the pragmatic aftermath of divorce; it shows in economic terms, how much it costs for a couple to get a divorce. It was enlightening because most people assume that divorce is a simple procedure, but the after effects, both emotional and physical, are something to consider. The statistics show the harm kids go through when caught between a divorced couple, as well.
Chapter eight is the author’s own personal story with infidelity. It’s a nice touch, as it allow you to connect more with the author and also further understand the reasons she wrote the book. I am glad that even during her divorce, she saw it as an advantage since the time away from her ex allowed her to spend valuable time with her mother.
The final chapter is an excellent chapter. It shows you how to learn from your mistakes and be able to right them and become a better person. It gives advice on how to deal with various problems, and also provides a basic algorithm of what to do to improve your communication skills. It advocates that men and women are not enemies, but partners in life, and we should work together, not against each other.
As I was reading this book, I had parallel thoughts. I saw similarities between smoking (nicotine addiction) and cheating. They are both bad for your health, both psychologically and emotionally. They also both cost you a lot of money, and finally, they both do not make you a better person. So I agree with the author that Cheating is Defeating. I know that when I quit smoking, it was one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. I was never a cheater in any of my relationships because, well, that’s how I am, I guess. This book helped me understand myself even more and how I function in a relationship.
My suggestion is to buy and read this book; you should see it as an investment for your current or future relationship. One that will help you grow emotionally in your relationship. One that will save you a lot of money in the future. Highly Recommended.” ~ Andreas Michaelides