Valentine’s Day Infidelity: Before and After

You might think thee day of love, flowers, and chocolates would encourage more warmth, affection and, well – love. Not necessarily so. There’s also the day before, and after, Cupid’s merrymaking.

Some stats indicate Valentine’s Eve is a very busy day for those juggling a wife and a romantic bit on the side. Since you haven’t yet mastered the art of bilocation and don’t want to spark too many questions that would demand just as many vague answers (aka lies); you make plans with your intimate “friend” the day before V-Day. The unsuspecting wife gets her man on the day of; the passion partner, the day prior. Problem solved. You’re hoping the doting wife doesn’t get her hands on the credit card bill before you do. Buying two sets of Valentine treats tends to raise red flags and no doubt anxiety in that big, frantically beating, overly generous heart of yours…problem just starting. 

What happens the day after? Are you and your betrothed still basking in the glow of intimacy experienced the night before? Is there a newly ignited appreciation for your mate? Did you recount the I’m-never-gonna-leave-you-ever recommitment dialogue after a special evening of champagne and sweet nothings? If the gifts and words don’t live up to a wife’s expectations, chances are: love will be lost in translation and she won’t hear your “reasonable” excuse or interpretation. Stranger in the night, here she comes. Flowers droop, chocolates mock, and apologies fail.

Neither example is anyone’s best-case scenario. Both husband and wife are culpable. No one gets a free pass. Juggling hearts takes a lot of time and energy—and dishonesty, and stress, and … so many “ands”. What about expectations? Unless your mate is a bonafide mind reader, it’s best to err on the side of open communication rather than “expect” your mate to get V-Day right. 

Some private investigators refer to Valentine’s Eve as “Mistress Day.” According to Ashley Madison (not a fan, but they do provide worthwhile stats), there is a huge spike in business following the supposed day of love because someone didn’t get it right. It’s a specific occasion where we await that amorous magic wand to solidly hit its mark. It’s the one day of the year where you can prove yourself. Just one day, is that so much to ask? That’s part of the problem, if you haven’t practiced what needs to be done to sustain a healthy relationship during the rest of the year, you can’t realistically hope for rainbows and butterflies on that single day.

I understand it’s not easy to maintain a positive attitude when you feel alone, underappreciated, taken for granted, or dismissed. You more than likely want to use Cupid’s arrow as a projectile, or aim it toward another’s heart. Yet, believe it or not, this is the perfect time to exercise love differently. Love your relationship enough to make changes. Deeply discuss feelings, be open to another’s view, put ego aside, be proactive (not reactive), seek professional help, and voice needs. Listen, learn, repeat. Do what needs to be done to keep you in Cupid’s good graces. But, if all options have been exhausted and you can’t get to where you need to be, then leave, respectfully.

Trust that peace of mind, strength, and courage will direct you to a new, mature love.

Best gift ever.

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