Let’s Talk (IN)FIDELITY ~

In my book, THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You CheatI posed four questions re infidelity. You’ll find them in Chap. 4, Survey Says!

1. What are your thoughts about infidelity while married?

2. Why do you think women cheat?

3. Why do you think men cheat?

4. Should there be accountability for infidelity while married – if caught?

I asked male and female alike. I’d like to do the same here, however, I’ll be posting only one question at a time, and will probably be adding others. I think each question deserves its proper due. Besides, I know you’ll have plenty to say!

Here’s a sampling of answers I received for question number one in my original survey:


1. I have no real thoughts about it, I believe this is a personal issue between the parties that are married and do not involve society.


1. I believe that infidelity in marriage is wrong. However, that is not to say in some circumstances it can’t be worked out depending on the intent of the person. In other words, a lapse in judgment as opposed to repeat behavior.


While question number one inquired about infidelity while married, I’d like to encompass a broader audience and rephrase the question to read:

What are your thoughts about infidelity while in a committed relationship?

Some people consider their relationship to be as sincere and committed as a marriage but don’t want to be bound by ritual or a “certificate of completion.” Married or not, people tend to have very strong opinions about infidelity, and for good reason.

If you’ve read my book, you’ve seen examples of the pitfalls that can occur when fidelity is given a back seat. It can get mighty ugly. Scary ugly. This is a highly charged subject. Because of this, I want to gauge the climate out there. I’d like to get your feedback.

What’s going on in your heart and head when thinking about this question? Have you been the recipient? The perpetrator? The “other” person? If you’d prefer to post anonymously, please send an e-mail (info@eldamlopez.com). I welcome your personal stories and promise confidentiality if you state you do not wish to be known, but do wish your story to be of service to others.

So, question number one: Answers? I know this is a hot button issue with plenty of emotion attached, but let’s also concentrate on constructive chit-chat regarding this topic. Either way, let your passionate answers fly! Let’s be active participants in the forward motion of growth and the overall greater change-up.

I appreciate your interest!



  • Benno Fenger Posted

    keeping this a personal issue like so many things that hurt people, how can people then make an informed choice before deciding to withhold vital relationship information from their partner

    • Elda Posted

      Thanks for reaching out. You make a very valid point. If someone is harboring a secret such as infidelity within a committed relationship, there’s already a disconnect that exists. Infidelity is extremely difficult to reveal to a mate, but the burden of carrying the secret is also damaging. The guilt, shame, anxiety etc. could lead someone to act out in other ways that could potentially create more problems within the bond. And, yes, without proper information an informed choice is not possible. Sounds to me like you have thought this through and realize the benefits of trust and honesty. I give you credit for being on the healthier path. Kudos.

      Be the change-up!

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